To Be Vulnerable

In the early stages of falling for someone or beginning a potential relationship, you normally take the time to really get to know a person inside and out before deciding whether they are worth it. The foundations of trust and loyalty are made, and with it, the lowering of high walls that have been built to allow somebody special to come in.

The smallest of facts and the biggest of secrets in your life are shared and kept in a special drawer in the other person’s mind. A strong sense of ease and comfort slowly solidifies, and an even stronger feeling of love and care begins to take shape. You begin to notice the little quirks of your significant other, such as the adorable way he always laces the left shoe before the right, or the way he constantly bites his bottom lip when he’s nervous. You tell him about how you fear being alone and forgotten, and he tells you how much he wishes his parents would show how proud they are of him. Promises are made in hushed whispers, vowing to never leave each other “no matter what”. Both of you bare it all, leaving your hearts raw and vulnerable.

With this vulnerability comes a great deal of responsibility on his end, placing your ever so delicate heart in his hands.

Just when you thought you knew everything there is to know about the person you deeply care about, you then find out that everything was an absolute lie. Your world and everything you thought you knew is shattered and you are left lost and overwhelmed with uncertainty and doubt.

Insecurities and endless questions fill your mind, leaving you grasping for a sense of normalcy; a life vest amidst the turbulent waves of lies and deception. As much as you both try to salvage what is left of your relationship, it is to no avail. The suspicions and constant unease ruin the foundations of your relationship, leaving a trail of despair and a broken heart.

Walls are once again put up to safeguard what little of your beaten heart is left. Your broken feelings are hidden behind a facade void of emotion while inside, you are screaming for honesty, justice, and most of all, love.

Once again, you are brought painfully back to reality, your relationship seeming to be nothing but a fleeting moment in this chapter of your life. You are then left to pick up the pieces and forced to move forward in the hopes of eventually finding a person worth your while.

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The Flirts

Flirts.

Whenever I hear this word or when/if it comes to mind, I honestly shudder and get an immediate negative vibe. Why do you ask? Because I despise flirts. Not just any flirts, but flirts who unabashedly flirt with somebody who is already taken. More specifically, women who flirt with males who are taken.

Coming from personal experience, it still baffles me that even when I have entered my twenties, I still encounter selfish young ladies/women who outwardly flirt with gentlemen who are taken. Whether I be hearing this problem come up in my other girlfriends’ relationships, or encountering it in my own, having another female unnecessarily flirt is never a good thing. What is just as bad are the ladies who flirt but try to play it off as: “No way! He’s like a brother to me!” Or the crowd favourite: “I’m only trying to be friendly.

Nuh uh, girlfriend. Being a “sister” or “friendly” does not entail the following:

  • calling/texting/messaging your gentleman friend almost every day;
  • asking him to meet you often;
  • unnecessarily worrying him by making yourself look like a damsel in distress;
  • always asking him to hug you;
  • blatantly ignoring the fact that he has a woman;
  • not backing off when he’s clearly friend zoned you;
  • sounding moody/jealous whenever he talks about his SO;

This list could go on forever, but I think you readers get the point. The first question I ask is why? Why do countless of ladies everywhere do this? Don’t you have any respect for your fellow woman? It just shocks me that ladies think it is perfectly acceptable to go ahead and excessively batt their eyelashes and flirt like there is no tomorrow.

Personally, I see it as being very insecure and desperately seeking attention, or, just being plain vindictive, selfish and evil. Perhaps the conscience of these types of women do not kick in, or, their id is going into overdrive. Whatever it is, it isn’t good and should not be tolerated.

What is even worse, though, is when our gentleman friends accepts it and flirts right back, but that’s a whole other story for another time.

So to all you ladies out there encountering this problem, I feel for ya’ll. Do not tolerate this kind of behaviour, and you should definitely do something to squash this petty problem before it gets bigger and grows into a difficult problem that may break your relationship. Believe me, you will want to nip that flirtatious she-devil in the bud before she sinks her claws  overtakes your relationship. Besides, if your SO continues to tolerate it, or doesn’t find any means to stop it, then he’s most likely seeking attention just as equally and is a waste of your TLC and energy.

Know your own worth, my fellow ladies! Save yourself the drama and heartache, and confront these flirts head on. You will definitely come out of the situation a stronger and happier woman, and hopefully, with a healthier and better relationship.

Love,
P

Know Your Worth

Dear readers,

I am going to take a break from my very happy posts to post something a bit serious and something that has been on my mind these past few weeks. So my apologies if this post seems a bit melancholy after my string of positive posts, because to be quite honest, that is how I am feeling now. Melancholy.

In a romantic relationship, sometimes people ask themselves if they feel worthy to be with the person they care about. What deems a person worthy of being with somebody? Do their qualities in terms of looks, personality and all that like determine if they are a “worthy” candidate of someone else’s affections? I have heard often times my girlfriends telling me throughout the years, “He is so not worth it” or “He is really not worthy of you.” During those times, I was almost always sitting on the couch with them, box of kleenex in hand, bawling my eyes out. Now when I really think about it, what really defines a person’s worthiness in a relationship?

These questions are coming from my own personal experiences in my previous relationships that have led me to feel for the longest time that I was not worthy of the person I was with. After being hurt so many times from these relationships and losing bits and pieces of my self-esteem, I felt that I was no longer good enough to be with somebody and had concluded that all males were the same: nice at first, but later turned into ruthless and heartless jerks.

Of course, that conclusion isn’t always true, but from my own painful experiences, I had come to be quite bitter, cynical and really doubtful of the opposite sex and their true intentions when it came to relationships. What was it that lead to my former break ups? Was it because I wasn’t pretty or smart enough? Was it because they finally woke up and saw the light that they could have any other perfectly great girl other than myself? These break ups had led me to believe that I simply was nothing of value and I continued to wallow in self-pity and my silly insecurities.

This all changed very recently.

When I began dating D, I was a very broken person. Many terrible events in my life had turned me into a person that felt so small and fragile on the inside. Since then, D has tried faithfully every single day to teach me how to know my worth and to be fully content with what God’s graced me with and just live life. Unfortunately, time and again, my insecurities have gotten the best of me, and in turn, hurt both myself and D. It was just a constant cycle of negativity and it wasn’t until very recently that I realized my worth and truly made the efforts of waking up and changing things.

Day by day, I learned to appreciate myself and what I do. I learned to not seek the appreciation from others as much, and instead, be content with what I contributed in life and just move forward. I constantly told myself that I am a wonderful person and really do deserve happiness. Even now, while feeling a bit melancholy due to a stupid argument and misunderstanding, I told myself that just because I inadvertently hurt somebody I care about, that does not make me a bad person. It simply makes me human. And yes, I am worthy of all the happiness that graces my life, simply because I realize my own faults and do my best to be a better person every day.

So how does all of this tie into my first question? Well, I think that we define our own “worthiness”. Sure, there may be some mean and negative people out there who constantly bring you down to their level, but at the end of the day, we are responsible for how we feel and how we think of ourselves. I learned the hard way that wallowing in self-pity and entertaining my own insecurities were not going to get me very far in life, so why stay in that mindset? I learned to love myself for who I am rather than changing myself so to please other people in my life. Though I still have some massive insecurities (heck, who doesn’t?), I know better now that I am a pretty darn awesome person, but I do make mistakes and am quite the oddball. But hey, that’s part of what being human is all about. Learning to accept your strengths and weaknesses and realizing that you can’t be perfect, no matter how hard you try. No matter how much make up you put on yourself, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how many clothes you have in your closet, no matter how many flashy new things you own, they will never amount to how you truly feel on the inside. Your worthiness is determined by how happy and content you are with yourself and how you strive to be a better person every day. So just be happy with what you have and go out and do great things.

With these things in mind, every day I feel like a better person. Even though I do have some bad days, I have learned that I am worthy of all the good things God has graced me with, and all of the things He will continue to grace me with.

I hope all of you readers are having a better day than me. I promise to go back to my happier posts once I am feeling better from a good snuggle with my big bear, Albert.

Love,
P

5 Things That We Love About Each Other

A month ago, I was inspired to write a post about the top 5 things D and I love about each other. Now that I have returned from my vacation, my boyfriend has so graciously given up his time to help me with this blog post. I hope you all enjoy him guest-starring in this post! 🙂

These are D’s 5 things he loves about me (that he wrote!):

Hi my name is Dinel Ulpindo. I’m Paula’s boyfriend. She asked me to write 5 things I like/love about her. Well here they are: (No Particular Order):

  1. How you act so nice towards people. You are a very friendly and down to earth person. You are so humble whenever you speak to people and that’s one thing I love about you
  2.  Whenever you tell me you’re my soulmate. I know we are only in our teens, but we’ve also grown in our relationship and it shows whenever we call ourselves ‘SOULMATES’. You make me smile so much whenever I hear that word and it’s one thing I like about you.
  3. How you can still make me smile whenever I’m sad/angry. Somehow only you can do that. Nobody else can make me smile when I’m sad. This ties back to number 2 because it shows you really are my soulmate.
  4. I LOVE your nose. It’s one of the features I like about you and you know that it’s true. I always touch your nose whenever I can because it’s so cute!. Since our kids will have that same exact nose I will cherish the one till more pop up for me to feel their noses haha!
  5. I love how you love me. No matter the circumstances. I really am grateful for your love. I wouldn’t have it any other way. You make me happy. Always.

P.S It’s our 18 months tomorrow!

These are my 5 things that I love about him:
  1. How he has a big heart. Even when D is being quite mean to me, deep down, I know that he is still the same person I fell in love with. Since I met him, he has always been the type of person to enjoy giving back to others simply because he finds it fulfilling and worthwhile. He does the things he does out of his heart and never fails to remind me that the reason why he works hard is to provide a good and happy future for me and our future family.
  2. He does the little things to make sure I feel lovedFrom opening doors for me like a gentleman to leaving little love notes for me, or just driving me to places, the little things D does makes me feel so loved. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t do the big things. Oh no. D does big and special things for me. For instance, he helped my friends from school surprise me with a free ticket to the Bon Iver concert held in Vancouver a few months ago. He told me to get off work early, blind folded me, and drove me to the venue to surprise me. If that doesn’t say romantic, then I do not know what does. He is such a sweetie. 🙂
  3. He is straight up and honest with me, because he knows me better than I know myself sometimesI’m the type to want to be coddled and comforted. However, D is more of the type to be up front and straightforward, which keeps me grounded and strong. He never fails to let me know what is on his mind and heart, even if I do not agree or like it at first. He knows me better than I know myself, and this quality about him helps me grow more as a person.
  4. He is a positive role model/teacher in my life. In our relationship, I am the negative Nelly. D is the more positive of the two of us, and more realistic. He has taught me so many things about life and has changed my outlook on it. He’s taught me to appreciate God’s blessings and just accept life as it is and do my best to be content and move forward. Nobody has never done that for me, and for that, I am truly blessed.
  5. He is real and my soul mate. D and I have different views on what paths lead to success. He and I fight a lot and bicker like an old married couple. Recently though, he and I have come to a mutual understanding and my heart feels so much more at ease with us. He is real and I honestly never believed in soul mates until I met him. I don’t need him to have a numerous degrees or have a fancy title to his name. He is just himself and that’s why I love him.

And there you have it! Thanks to my man for guest starring in this and writing such beautiful words. I love you! /Cheese. I hope you readers enjoyed this little cute post. 🙂 I suggest that those with significant others do this every once in a while. It is a healthy exercise for couples that let’s them know why they appreciate the other and fosters love and growth and mutual respect.

Oh, and aren’t we cute here? 🙂

Filled with much love,
P

Cell phones > relationships = no no.

Cell phones. With society’s ever-increasing demand and desire to want the flashiest and most versatile hand-held cellular device, it seems this amazing piece of technology has the consumer eating out of the palm of its hands. Whether you are a loyal Blackberry, Android, iPhone, or even a cell phone user that does not require any of that smart phone nonsense, this piece of technology has indeed been an advancement that has completely left the entire world wanting more.

With this being said, in the recent months, the explosion of smart phones everywhere has moved society into the new era of having relying on a mini computer right at their fingertips. If you hop on the transit, walk across campus, or even take a nature walk, you will probably find someone with a cell phone in their hand. Whether they are updating their location on FourSquare, or taking another hipster-esque picture on Instagram, the smart phone is the king of today’s technology.

On a personal note, during the long bus rides to and from UBC, I find myself counting how many people are on their cell phones and it astounds me that 80% of people often have their phones out, texting, e-mailing, playing games and going on social networking sites. I am pretty guilty of doing this as well (those long 45 minute to 1 hour bus rides can be so brutal!), but I honestly have tried my best to not check my phone every 5 minutes. That, however, is still a work in progress, but I digress.

What bothers me most, though, is that when I see people hanging out, I find them being more preoccupied with their phone than with each other. To be honest, I find that really sad. The entire point of hanging out with somebody is to get away from your cell phone so you can catch up with them, not have your eyes and fingers glued on your cell phone screen. People seem to be losing their touch on connecting with others and instead, are focusing on checking their latest Tweet or Facebook status update (“Did you see that Christina’s relationship status is now single!?”).

For me, I actually feel pretty offended when somebody I care about is twiddling away on their phone and immediately reaching for it when it beeps or vibrates signalling that they’ve received a message. That to me says that I am not entertaining, valuable, or worthwhile enough to put away your phone and just focus on spending what valuable time we do have together. I’m sure that text message could definitely be answered later after we hang out. Or in the very least, one should apologize and politely ask if they could be excused to answer it if they really believe it’s urgent.

So the next time you are out with your friends, family, or significant other, just remember this: socialize and have your cell phones tucked and hidden away! Believe me, the person(s) you are spending time with will definitely feel more appreciated once you get into that habit.

– P

Image source: http://www.electronichouse.com/images/uploads/cellphonecouple2.jpg